We cannot imagine what we would have missed out on if we had believed the lie, and let fear dictate our actions. We remember going to our first classes on foster care and adoption. We had one foot in the door, excited and eager, and the other foot ready to run with the fear of the unknown future. What if it changed things in our family for worse? What if we got a child with special needs and it affected our time with our other children? What if we have to give the child back to their birth family? What if we open our hearts to love, and we are hurt?
What if seemed to haunt us around every corner. And then there were some of our caring relatives and friends who wanted the best for our family, which also meant they thought we were crazy and shouldn’t “mess up “ our current family. And the truth is, there was somewhere deep inside us that also wanted that golden ticket. That guarantee that if we did this, then everything would be perfect. We were scared.
But we are happy to tell you that this is not the end of our story. Fear did not win, but faith stepped in and grace covered all the gaps and insecurities that so often tried to consume us. With each baby step we took forward in the process, our faith and trust in Jesus grew. He met us at EVERY step, and proved how faithful He is and how He truly is in control, not us.
We remember coming to a point in this whole adoption journey where we had to make a choice. We had to choose to believe that if God was truly leading us to do this, then He knew the exact child for our family. He was already there on the other side, just waiting to bless our family with this little angel. Just waiting for us to let go of what we thought we could control, and say yes Jesus, we trust You as the One who writes our story. This life is not about us.
The first time we met her, it was over. She was a part of us, and held our hearts in her tiny hands. Again, the fears tried to creep in. How would we survive without her? And again the choice. The choice to say yes Lord, I am willing to give this baby all of me and my love, even if it means we are only in her life for a short period of time. The choice to be a part of what God was doing in our family, and the realization that He has our days numbered and that He is good in all He does.
So here we are two years later. There is an angel, a small piece of heaven running around our house. She is laughing, and we often ask ourselves if we are in a dream. We wonder how we lived so long without her. She cuddles in between her two older brothers on the couch, and they instantly smile. The fears of the past have long since melted away with the reality of what is. The amount of joy that has grown in our home since she arrived is unexplainable. We did not deserve this blessing.
God is faithful. He can be trusted. He already knows just who is meant to be in your family. If you feel God leading your family to adopt, then learn from our mistakes. Don’t waste time in the fear and doubt of the unknown, but surrender to an amazing God who gives us the most amazing blessings.
Donny and Dani Koehler